The last time I posted was May 4th. My son’s Dad and my first love, Dan, died on May 5th. I’ve had many losses in my life and this, you would think, would just be another added to the list. Not the case. Each loss brings back all of the other losses and I get stuck for awhile. It takes me time to process, to cry, to love and to let go of that hurt. It’s hard to not feel abandoned each and every time despite knowing that it isn’t about me at all…but it feels that way sometimes. I get lost in that pain and while I am able to function, go to work, engage with children, have dinner with friends, etc., I am different. I feel different. Another little piece of me is gone and probably gone forever.
While reflection is a good thing, the process itself is sometimes painful. But when it comes full circle, it’s a beautiful thing. It wasn’t until I was about 25 years old that I was able to begin thinking outside the box and turning my perspective to something positive, that I began to see that all of the losses, all of the tragedy and disappointments really shaped me and made me more appreciative of the little things, allowed me to see good in bad situations and allowed me to come to the realization that life is life, and sometimes things happen. People die, they make mistakes, they disappoint us and let us down. Forgiveness is key. Whether the hurts received were intentional, thoughtless or simply carelessness, grow from those hurts, forgive quickly and appreciate all that you have. Time couldn’t be more wasted on wishing things didn’t happen. They did. Put a period and move on. Grow from that experience and perhaps try to see it from a different perspective other than your own view point. I learned by watching others who had happy lives to learn what a happy life looked like. Their families became my “family” and they loved me until I was whole. I’m glad I didn’t fall into that too familiar trap of letting my past determine what my future would look like. I didn’t let the tragedies that happened to me and around me define who I was. I am not a bitter woman nor am I filled with regret. All anyone in this life can do is the best they can. And that, my friend, is good enough. I thank God everyday for my journey.
Hope is Everything! 